…:: Alex Smirnov ::…

This is an entertaining description of real geologists. I have no idea who authored this but I got a copy of this during 1998 excursion to Bulgaria (and it’s ore deposits). This article was posted on the wall in the chief geologist’s office in one of the many mines we visited that summer. It’s in particular offensive to geophysicists. Quite obviously I don’t identify with this pamphlet but find it funny nonetheless. Enjoy.

• Don’t eat quiche. They don’t even know what it is. Real geologists eat raw meat, bear and tonsil-killer chilli.
• Don’t need hammers. They break samples off with their bare hands.
• Don’t sit in ofices. Being indoors makes me crazy. If they’d wanted to sit in offices they’d have become geophysicists.
• Don’t need geophysicists. Geophysicists measure things nobody can see or feel, make up a whole lot of numbers about them, then drill in all the wrong places.
• Don’t go to meetings, except to point at the map and say “Drill here!” and leave.
• Don’t work from 9 to 5. If any real geologists are around at 9 am it is because they are going to a meeting to tell the managers where to drill.
• Don’t like managers. Managers are necessary evil for dealing with bozos from Human Resources, bean counter from Accounting and other mental defectives.
• Don’t make exploration budgets. Only insecure mama’s boys try to stay within exploration budgets. Real geologists ignore exploration budgets.
• Don’t use compasses. That smacks of geophysics. Real geologists always know where they are and the direction of the nearest place where beer is available.
• Don’t make maps. Maps are for novices, the forgetful, managers and pansies who like to play with colored pencils.
• Don’t write reports. Bureaucrats write reports and look what they are like.
• Don’t have joint venure partners. Partners are for wimpy bedwetters who are unable to think big.
• Don’t use computers. Computers are for geophysicists. other nerds and limpwristed quiche-eaters who can’t think for themselves.