…:: Alex Smirnov ::…

I don’t remember what my first encounter with Kurt Vonnegut was, but it must have been impressive. Impressive enough to prompt me to look him up and to read some of his novels. I think it all started with his last one – A Man Without a Country, which I listened to while I tried to fall asleep one night. I did eventually fall asleep, but only long after the book finished. Then came a classic – Slaughterhouse-Five: A Novel which undoubtedly is one of the best written books I have ever read. Browsing through library stacks one day I stumbled upon a tiny little book with an intriguing title – God Bless You Dr. Kevorkian.

The book was a quick, but a delightful read. Interestingly enough, it was first written as a collection of short fictional stories that were first broadcast on NPR. In essence, Vonnegut pays Jack Kevorkian (Dr. Death) to give him near-death experiences so that Vonnegut can visit heaven and talk to people like Isaac Asimov, William Shakespeare or Adolf Hitler. A completely fictional character, Kilgore Trout, known to me (and in general to Vonnegut’s readers) from Slaughterhouse Five (and other novels)  is also interviewed.

Anyway, I just wanted to share some of my favorite quotes from the book. Here goes, just form the introduction:

About belief or lack of belief in an afterlife: Some of you may know that I am neither Christian no Jewish nor Buddhist, nor a conventionally religious person of any sort. I am a humanist, which means, in part, that I have tried to behave decently without any expectation of rewards or punishment after I am dead.

I wish one and all long and happy lives, no matter what may become of them afterwards. Use sunscreen! Don’t smoke cigarettes. Cigars, however, are good for you. There is even a magazine celebrating their enjoyment, with male role models, athletes, actors, rich guys with trophy wives, on its covers. Why not the surgeon general? Cigars, of course, are made of trail mix, of crushed cashews and Granola and raisins, soaked in maple syrup and dried in the sun. Why not eat one tonight at bedtime?

Firearms are also good for you. Ask Charlton Heston, who once played Moses. Gunpowder has zero fat and zero cholesterol. That goes for dumdums, too. Ask you senator or senatrix or congressperson if guns, like cigars, aren’t good for you.

Freud said he didn’t know what women want. I know what women want. They want a lot of people to talk to. What do they want to talk about? They want to talk about everything.  What do men want? They want a lot of pals, and they wish people wouldn’t get so mad at them. Why are some many people getting divorced today? It’s because most of us don’t have extended families anymore. It used to be that when a man and a woman got married, the bride got a lot more people to talk to about everything. The groom got a lot more pals to tell dumb jokes to. But most of us, if we get married nowadays, are just one more person for the other person. The groom gets one more pal, but it’s a woman. The woman gets one more person to talk to about everything, but it’s a man.

Now go get the book .